March 2010
39 posts
Then women owe men for... →
Creating 30 second orgasms, jock straps, and air.
Facebox Hook-up
I was out back having a cig when my co-worker Rosie came out.
“Oh, there you are. There’s an old couple who wants to talk to you. They say they have something for you.” she said as she got distracted by a seagull choking on a chicken bone in the dumpster.
“Oh shit. Tell those old fucks that I’ve left. I don’t wanna see them.” I said blowing smoke into...
This close...
saschaelise:
jimnasium:
I was this close to popping an Oxy and going to the UCLA campus and sit on the grass and cruise for any “curious” college boys…. But work just called and needs me to come in. Fucking Cupcake Factory.
On your next day off go to the men’s bathrooms on the third floor of Haines Hall.
HEARD!
This close...
I was this close to popping an Oxy and going to the UCLA campus and sit on the grass and cruise for any “curious” college boys…. But work just called and needs me to come in. Fucking Cupcake Factory.
JAPAN STILL IS COOL, BITCH →
“I’m not like you, Jim. I can’t survive off booze and cigarettes....”
– Dirty D (around 3 a.m. in New Orleans)
The Pope is in Poop →
10 years ago when the whole scandal broke out, my childhood priest got accused of molesting some of the alter boys back in the 70’s. Like Jesse and Tiger, he must have been annoyed that all these lovers are coming out of the woodwork. Father Ashwell, or Father Touchwell as we referred to him, was always weird. He gave a lot of strange gifts to some of the other boys— like a snowboard....
Lumber Jacks
I’m going to the Hardware store to buy some paint. I am praying that Louis isn’t there. Every time I go, he flirts with me and says weird things. Last time he said, “To know the true color of the paint (it was a little sample) you should go outside and look at it in the day light. Here, follow me.” He took me through the back of the store, past the employee bathroom and out...
Peter Ramone: Spring Break →
Things must continue, I return to school tomorrow and I can seriously say that this has been the best spring break to date. I hanged with my best friend for the most part, I love her to death. I also saw many familiar faces. I had fun with someone in particular, but I don’t really know how…
The best relationships I’ve ever been in involved great sex. And the ones that died...
I Wish I Were a Queen →
If I was offered a 30 thousand dollar scholarship, I’d go to a community college (saving un monton) and use the leftover money to host the most stellar parties!
“My ass aint smart, all it does is shit and fart.”
– My Brother Grizz
Why, hello there.: F*CK! →
OMG I F*CKING HATE MY FAMILY! I ONLY LIKE ONE OF MY BROTHERS. I HAVE 2 BROTHERS AND I ONLY LIKE ONE. My ‘mother’ just walked into my room and goes “DID YOU KNOW LADY GAGA’S GAY?!” (she knows i’m going to her concert), so I said “yeah, so what?” and she says “yuck!”. OMFG! She’s a f*cking…
I remember telling my Mom that I was gay. I had just gotten back from Spain and was determined to...
Earthquake
As I drove down Bower street, I looked at the Hollywood sign in my rear view mirror. It was framed by a large tree that had been cut into a tunnel so that cars could pass under. I turned onto Santa Monica Blvd. I passed the car dealerships and their sparkling tassel that reflected the sun. I passe the cheap restaurant that a guy took to me on a first date. It’s the type of restaurant you go...
Tips for the Stars
Star I waited on: Master P.
Order: 4 strawberry lemonades, Orange Chicken, Cajun Chicken Littles, Alfredo Chicken, Lemon Herb Chicken, a cesar salad and a coke.
Total: $85.45
Tip: $14.55 (17%)
Tip From the Rooster: If you’re fucking loaded and the service was good (as in your strawberry lemonade was never empty) then leave at least 20%, otherwise get the fuck out of my face you gold...
Marry Me, Boo. →
In Korea, marriage is viewed as a joke. It’s nonsense. If a man can marry a pillow, why can’t I make it real and marry a man? Marriage has become a joke in many countries. Why can’t it become a joke here? Let men marry. I want to be part of the joke!
The Poor Thing is Just a Clown
I was sitting in Peets Coffee when a homeless man swung open the door and made his presence known. He was mumbling and spotted the L.A. Times on the ground, next to the door. On the cover is Jonny Depp as the Mad Hatter. The loony picks up the paper and scoffs. “Jonny Depp used to be an actor. Now he’s just a clown!” He throws the paper down and gives the trash bin a once over before leaving in a...
Douchey Morgan
In an interview with Esquire magazine, Tracy Morgan said the following:
“Jay-Z is our modern-day Marvin Gaye. Marvin Gaye had “What’s Going On.” Jay-Z’s got a song on his new album — “What We Talkin’ About.” What do we talk about on TV? What is the music saying to us? Nothing. There was a time when shit was happening in this country. There was a...
A Baby
All I want is a baby. I envy Breeders for that reason. Sure it’s possible to GET a child: Adoption. Surrogates. Stealing. But they all come with complications. Adopting isn’t spreading my gene and the possibility of getting a Baby Trigg is frightening. I babysat for a guy who adopted a baby from Russia and she turned out having turrets syndrome. With surrogate mothers there’s the...
Straight Pimpin'
I had my mom wake me up 30 minutes earlier than my brothers. My brothers rolled out of bed just in time to brush their teeth and eat a bowl of cereal before heading out the door to school. I, on the other, needed time to go through my list of “things to do.” First was make a cup of tea. Then I’d wash my hair in the tub (I showered the night before, so all i needed was a quick...
