February 29th only happens every 4 years so I tried really hard to live it up today… and ended up seeing the kitchen manager’s penis.
I know I’ve been fighting this for a long time but today I succumbed. Every time I return from a vacation I get supper excited to see my Latinos that I end up chasing them around, yapping and nibbling at their ankles like a Jack Russell Terrier. Most of them roll their eyes and kick me away but there are a few who’ll throw me a bone.
I had just finished doing my liquor-pull when I needed to cross through the secret office to get downstairs. I struggled with the door as I held a crate full of bottles. On the other side I heard a chair squeak and roll across the floor. The kitchen manager, alone and still sitting in his chair, opened the door.
“Thank you! Just coming through,” I said as I weaseled my way around the file cabinet and towards the other door. I stood there with my hands full waiting for him to open it. He didn’t budge, instead he began to rub himself.
“You wanna see it bro,” he said in a voice so dirty that even Pig-Pen wouldn’t get near him. I immediately started my mental exercises: Strong girl, strong girl, stron… and that’s when the power of the leap year took over.
“Whip it out,” I said. He did and it was nice. It curved downwards; the perfect type to tickle the prostate when doing it doggy style. I was mesmerized for what seemed like eternity but the second I realized where I was and what was happening, I ripped open the door and grabbed my crate and darted out of the office. I heard him laughing as the door slammed shut. I stopped in the hallway by the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror. I opened my mouth and showed my teeth, revealing the chipped central incisor. Then I looked at the crow’s feet around my eyes and the folds in my forehead. I worked my way up and started rotating my head left to right, seeing how different light reflected my thinning.
“You’re too old to be doing that shit,” I said to the reflection. Just then the door opened and he came out of the office.
“Wanna see it again?” he asked.
I looked both ways and then said, “Quickly.” He whipped it out just long enough for me to memorize the placement of certain veins and then put it back in. As I walked back to the bar, I felt bad. I was angry at myself for giving into temptation but then I realized that I don’t do crack so things could be worse.