Last night I went to my friend’s Mom’s birthday party in the Valley. There’s been a heat wave drenching Los Angeles for the last couple of days so the drive over the hill was pretty gnarly. I refuse to turn on the AC because I grew up in a family that believed in rolling down the windows. Well, sometimes it was simply because we couldn’t use the AC otherwise the engine would overheat and the steering wheel locked up. Mom discovered this one day as she pulled into the school parking lot to pick us up and almost hit 2 girls crossing the street because her steering wheel locked up.
I love hanging out with retired people, especially in the Valley. They normally always have a pool and a great wine selection. They also have money and appreciate culture, which means there’s always a mix of gays.
At one end of the pool you’ve got John, who was lounging on a recliner next to Gary (who reminds me of a functioning Uncle Jack from Arrested Development). John has two children and an ex-wife. He came out of the closet late in life, when his children were grown and wife incredibly invested, and is finding it hard to date. He’s got a firm hand shake and good sense of humor, which suggests exciting sex. I’d never date him, though. I can’t imagine dating a guy who’s gonna die before the kids turn 20. He never asked me, though.
On the other side of the pool you’ve got husband/wife team Debbie and Paul. They have grandchildren. Debbie was fascinated with all the trees and plants in the backyard. She pointed out, while rubbing fresh thyme under her nose, how some of the Douglas firs were originals, which is rare in L.A. She had beautiful blue eyes and hair that had just gotten low-lights. She’s classic closeted marriage material—pretty and cultured but simple in a non-threatening way.
Her husband was pretty chill, except for that nervous thing he’d do by massaging the skin between his index and thumb finger. I noticed he wore his watch on his right hand so I asked him if was left-handed.
“Yes. Are you?
“Yes,” I said.
“Did you ask me because of my watch?”
“I do the same thing,” he said. “It’s nice to know when you’re around other crazies like yourself.”