That tricky ol’ hotelier. The other day I was going over reasons in my head why I must officially talk to Mr. Prinz about lowering my rent (I have this conversation with myself at least once a week but this time I was serious). I was going to tell him how the violent screetching from the bulldozer tracks at 7 a.m. are infiltrating my dreams and how every time they tear up concrete it shakes my apartment and I run for the door because I think it’s another quake. I don’t like being a nervous Nellie in the privacy of my own home. Well, that bastard beat me to it and yesterday I received a letter in the mail saying how he’s going to raise the rent. Now I have to argue to keep the rent the same. Mr. Prinz is good. He needs to change his name to something higher in the monarchy, like Mr. Trump or something.

     That tricky ol’ hotelier. The other day I was going over reasons in my head why I must officially talk to Mr. Prinz about lowering my rent (I have this conversation with myself at least once a week but this time I was serious). I was going to tell him how the violent screetching from the bulldozer tracks at 7 a.m. are infiltrating my dreams and how every time they tear up concrete it shakes my apartment and I run for the door because I think it’s another quake. I don’t like being a nervous Nellie in the privacy of my own home. Well, that bastard beat me to it and yesterday I received a letter in the mail saying how he’s going to raise the rent. Now I have to argue to keep the rent the same. Mr. Prinz is good. He needs to change his name to something higher in the monarchy, like Mr. Trump or something.


     I called the landlord to have someone come fix the shower nozzle that’s stripped but I didn’t tell him about the sink being clogged because last time he charged me for unclogging it. I figured this time around I’d just ask the handyman, Mr. Miyagi, if he could give it a quick look once he was finished with the nozzle. That thimble sized cutie jumped right under there and attacked the problem. I love him so much. From his fluffy baby duckling hair down to his jeans that are rolled up because they’re 7 inches too long. Even the way he smells, a cigarette butt dipped in motor oil, reminds me of happy childhood memories. I was so pleased with his work that I tipped him. It was also hush money because I swear to Madonna if that lil’ shit tells Mr. Prinz and I get charged for it…well, I’m gonna pay it but I won’t be happy.

     I called the landlord to have someone come fix the shower nozzle that’s stripped but I didn’t tell him about the sink being clogged because last time he charged me for unclogging it. I figured this time around I’d just ask the handyman, Mr. Miyagi, if he could give it a quick look once he was finished with the nozzle. That thimble sized cutie jumped right under there and attacked the problem. I love him so much. From his fluffy baby duckling hair down to his jeans that are rolled up because they’re 7 inches too long. Even the way he smells, a cigarette butt dipped in motor oil, reminds me of happy childhood memories. I was so pleased with his work that I tipped him. It was also hush money because I swear to Madonna if that lil’ shit tells Mr. Prinz and I get charged for it…well, I’m gonna pay it but I won’t be happy.


Clogs

     My boy Jazz is coming to visit for the weekend so I’ve been trying to get everything in order, like making sure the drain in the tub is un-clogged. The plumbing at my place is so old that even a pubic hair can cause the pipes to clog so at least twice a year I have to call my landlord and have him send over a plumber with the snake.

     Calling Mr. Prinz is always such a process. I have to speak slowly and loudly and repeat myself several times. By the time I hang up he’s already forgotten why I called.  Luckily when I called this time the machine picked up and I thought I’d get away with just leaving a message. Unfortunately he picked up half way through.

     “Hellllo,” he said. “Is anybody there… How do you turn this damn thing off,” he said in a voice that sounded like he was sitting on a piant shaker. Instead of pushing the power button he pushed the message review button.  “Don’t hang up. Wait a minute,” he instructed and then we both sat and listened to all 6 messages. Denise from Inglewood was calling to inquire about the apartment for rent on Pico. Steve from apartment 14 wanted to know when his parking space would be available. Roger the electrician was calling to follow up on a chandelier he recently installed. Debbie, his daughter, was calling to let him know that his grandson’s basketball game had been canceled but they were still getting together for dinner.  When it was all said and done I had been on the phone with him for 24 minutes.

     Later in the day he called and left a message to confirm that a plumber would be coming by tomorrow to fix the leaking faucet and that I should put a bucket under the water so that it didn’t stain the tub… What leak?